30th March 2006,
1 You showed favor to your land, O LORD; you restored the fortunes of Jacob.
2 You forgave the iniquity of your people and covered all their sins.
3 You set aside all your wrath and turned from your fierce anger.
4 Restore us again, O God our Savior, and put away your displeasure toward us.
5 Will you be angry with us forever? Will you prolong your anger through all generations?
6 Will you not revive us again, that your people may rejoice in you?
7 Show us your unfailing love, O LORD, and grant us your salvation.
8 I will listen to what God the LORD will say; he promises peace to his people, his saints— but let them not return to folly.
9 Surely his salvation is near those who fear him, that his glory may dwell in our land.
10 Love and faithfulness meet together; righteousness and peace kiss each other.
11 Faithfulness springs forth from the earth, and righteousness looks down from heaven.
12 The LORD will indeed give what is good, and our land will yield its harvest.
13 Righteousness goes before him and prepares the way for his steps.
Yesterday Combined Churches Prayer Rally at Fettes Park Baptist Church. It's good time of prayer, and I'm personally encouraged by the response and the prayer itself. We prayed based on Ps 85, start with repentance, prayer of restoration and ask God for personal revival of Faith, Hope and Passion. It's timely message. I'm touched, God has been so good- He has blessed us continually and being so patience with His children. We are like sheep has gone astray, each of us turning our own separate way. We hv missed Him, many times...with our personal agenda, how we build our own house, and pursue of the world. We have somehow lost the real meaning and purpose of our existance. With CWMC that I've learned and challenged on mission and sharing love to others.
I was just wondering and reflecting my life. Have I been a blessing in my workplace? Am I being a good subordinate and colleagues, am I a good boss? am I am a good employer to GMC? How is my encounter with others, my relationship, what Jesus trying to teach the disciple on "people perspective"...a glabal issue, am I faithful in that? What about pride? Hv I been proud in my own understanding and human wisdom and effort? How about spiritual pride? How is the measure of my love for Him?
Father....help me, let me decrease and You increase, work in me daily. Every day...that I will grow from strength to strength and from glory to glory. May I reflect your goodness, that my life will not be a shame to Your Name but to bring Glory to You. Not by might nor by power, but by Your Spirit. Thats' why we need of Your Spirit to work in us. Work in Your own special way...Amen!
Thursday, March 30, 2006
Saturday, March 25, 2006
Condensed World Mission Course
25th March 2006,
1.38pm Saturday afternoon. It's time to go back, stayed to clear my documents. A lot new product insert and materials don't have the time to read- a quick browse through and dump the materials in the dustbins, or else at the end of the year my desk will full of papers and journals. Not feeling well today, knew it, last night have not been feeling well. For the pass few days has been having headache, at the rising of the dawm has been feeling the pain. Now am having flu and fever, took Redoxon in the morning before go to church. This morning went for leader's prayer in church- 6.30am. Today is the 7th day of the Prayer and Fasting week- the focus is on Overcoming with Love. The status of the heart- to love, to release unforgiveness, to be effective in the Ministry. A recheck of the heart status. How is my heart condition spiritually? Has it been charged up with the WOG and love of God? How is my reaction when others said something bad about me, or how would be my response if ppl unintentionally hurt me? How would I react on that? It's surface from the matter of the heart. Yes, how true ...
CWMC- 3rd Chapter yesterday;
1st Chapter is about God, His plan and purpose. The see the centrality of God in the study of mission, how it all begin. About the Bible as love story book- shown how God loves us and wants His people to love know Him through the Word, and loves Him voluntarily in return. The display of His love- revealing of His plan and purpose for us: Redemptive purpose and Kingdom purpose. Understanding the purpose frm the incidence of Babel and it's significant to the mission.
2nd Chapter is about Israel, the covenet people. Much saying about the OT, to see Israel's obligation, opportunity and response in reaching out. Cover on Abrahamic covenant which relate to The Great Commision. Realise how the Lord want to bless us to be a blessing, biblically stated as topline and bottomline blessing. To see Jonah's response in depth and how that relate to us, how have we slacked in just wanting blessing and denying the responsibilities.
3rd Chapter is about the 3M's: Messiah, Message and Messagers, how it related, with the mystery revealed, Messiah- who is He, how it speaks about the message, and the importance of being a messangers for the Kingdom of God. Realising the main mission of church in this interim period, from the 1st coming to the 2nd coming of Christ. Exposed to the 'twinkle twinle' story in Matthew 4, how Jesus answered to the Canaanite women that plead to heal the daughter- which describe on the association of giving breads to dogs, and the bread that's frm the table- how it relate to the different message Jesus wants the disciple to learn. A training for his disciple.
Tonite will be Breakthrough Nite, by Apostle Brown. Don't know what to expect. Have been going for a lot breakthrough nite, yet still ant to believe God is working through breakthrough. His presence, just long for His presence and to come with expectant heart, allowing God to work in us. His Spirit work in the hearts of His people. This time gonna be something different, are we hungry? God will surely move, whether we want it or not. He will surely move, but are we ready to allow Him to 'bang' in our hearts, and inhabit in our being? The willingness and openess, the 'unlearned' and relearne on His Word.
O Daddy, Thank You that for You are the ever symbol of love. Thank You for Your Words and ministering, thank You for the work You're doing, and continuously working. Prepare my heart, Lord I prepare my heart to receive from You, the touch. Just one glimpse, just one drink and my soul will satisfied. As the songs read:
Lord I come, take my life
I offer up to You a living sacrifice
By Your love, By your Grace
I come into the Holy of Holies
All I wanna do
Is dwell in Your Presence
Drink from Your well
that never runs dry
All I wanna see
is the Light of Your Glory
Just one glimpse
Just one drink
and my Soul will satisfy
Longing for Your touch, Father let it be the cries of the heart of Your people, that come longing for You, missing You, longing for You Lord- Let Your annointing flow, work thru' miracles, that Your people will be set free, free to love You, worship You, and to want more of You. Father have Your way, We surrender- work Your way, not our way. it's Yours Lord, You minister, Your glory be magnified, praise You Father....
Father, create me a clean heart, and renew a right spirit within me. That I will coem into Your presence in childlikeness, that my mind will be free to worship you, to learn from You, to relearn all from You Lord. I hungry for You Father- work in me tonite I pray, Amen!
1.38pm Saturday afternoon. It's time to go back, stayed to clear my documents. A lot new product insert and materials don't have the time to read- a quick browse through and dump the materials in the dustbins, or else at the end of the year my desk will full of papers and journals. Not feeling well today, knew it, last night have not been feeling well. For the pass few days has been having headache, at the rising of the dawm has been feeling the pain. Now am having flu and fever, took Redoxon in the morning before go to church. This morning went for leader's prayer in church- 6.30am. Today is the 7th day of the Prayer and Fasting week- the focus is on Overcoming with Love. The status of the heart- to love, to release unforgiveness, to be effective in the Ministry. A recheck of the heart status. How is my heart condition spiritually? Has it been charged up with the WOG and love of God? How is my reaction when others said something bad about me, or how would be my response if ppl unintentionally hurt me? How would I react on that? It's surface from the matter of the heart. Yes, how true ...
CWMC- 3rd Chapter yesterday;
1st Chapter is about God, His plan and purpose. The see the centrality of God in the study of mission, how it all begin. About the Bible as love story book- shown how God loves us and wants His people to love know Him through the Word, and loves Him voluntarily in return. The display of His love- revealing of His plan and purpose for us: Redemptive purpose and Kingdom purpose. Understanding the purpose frm the incidence of Babel and it's significant to the mission.
2nd Chapter is about Israel, the covenet people. Much saying about the OT, to see Israel's obligation, opportunity and response in reaching out. Cover on Abrahamic covenant which relate to The Great Commision. Realise how the Lord want to bless us to be a blessing, biblically stated as topline and bottomline blessing. To see Jonah's response in depth and how that relate to us, how have we slacked in just wanting blessing and denying the responsibilities.
3rd Chapter is about the 3M's: Messiah, Message and Messagers, how it related, with the mystery revealed, Messiah- who is He, how it speaks about the message, and the importance of being a messangers for the Kingdom of God. Realising the main mission of church in this interim period, from the 1st coming to the 2nd coming of Christ. Exposed to the 'twinkle twinle' story in Matthew 4, how Jesus answered to the Canaanite women that plead to heal the daughter- which describe on the association of giving breads to dogs, and the bread that's frm the table- how it relate to the different message Jesus wants the disciple to learn. A training for his disciple.
Tonite will be Breakthrough Nite, by Apostle Brown. Don't know what to expect. Have been going for a lot breakthrough nite, yet still ant to believe God is working through breakthrough. His presence, just long for His presence and to come with expectant heart, allowing God to work in us. His Spirit work in the hearts of His people. This time gonna be something different, are we hungry? God will surely move, whether we want it or not. He will surely move, but are we ready to allow Him to 'bang' in our hearts, and inhabit in our being? The willingness and openess, the 'unlearned' and relearne on His Word.
O Daddy, Thank You that for You are the ever symbol of love. Thank You for Your Words and ministering, thank You for the work You're doing, and continuously working. Prepare my heart, Lord I prepare my heart to receive from You, the touch. Just one glimpse, just one drink and my soul will satisfied. As the songs read:
Lord I come, take my life
I offer up to You a living sacrifice
By Your love, By your Grace
I come into the Holy of Holies
All I wanna do
Is dwell in Your Presence
Drink from Your well
that never runs dry
All I wanna see
is the Light of Your Glory
Just one glimpse
Just one drink
and my Soul will satisfy
Longing for Your touch, Father let it be the cries of the heart of Your people, that come longing for You, missing You, longing for You Lord- Let Your annointing flow, work thru' miracles, that Your people will be set free, free to love You, worship You, and to want more of You. Father have Your way, We surrender- work Your way, not our way. it's Yours Lord, You minister, Your glory be magnified, praise You Father....
Father, create me a clean heart, and renew a right spirit within me. That I will coem into Your presence in childlikeness, that my mind will be free to worship you, to learn from You, to relearn all from You Lord. I hungry for You Father- work in me tonite I pray, Amen!
Monday, March 20, 2006
ESMS Training
20th March 2006,
6.30pm Monday evening. Today whole day I was in the Lecture Hall for training. Magdalene went with me. The training is on "Effective Supervisory and Managerial Skill"- basically for the HODs, Executives and Supervisors, relevant to our job scope. The trainer is Mr HK Hin, very vocal person, and very experience in giving training to a lot multinational company like Jabil, and Motorola. He was formerly from Motorola and shared with us a lot of his experience dealing with production, and leadership. A lot of the examples of the effective leadership that he addressed, which inspired us. Quite a number of participants attend the course, and tomorrow will be Part II of the long hours training. I did learned a lot from him, about leadership- and it's very much inspiring to hear his experiences. It's basically a motivational training, and it's definitely very effective if we to apply it in our management, yet- there're others area of concerns which not able to work practically. He talk about situational leadership and flexibility- very inspiring and he was saying about changing the mindset, positive thinking. It's all begin at the mindset, and it's the brain. He mention about we're not to live on fate, success is by how we wanna put effort, how the brains work- we can change things. He list down the 7 habits of effective leadership. Inspiring. I wonder if he's a Christian.
Christian working in the world system. How should be our value system. A lot of motivational courses, yet Christian are following on Christ as our role model. To be effective as Christian in secular world, Ro12 - Not to be confront to the standard of the world but to be transform in renewing of our mind, to know the perfect will of God. How do we depends on God, as our role model in dealing with people in workplace, being effective and successful leaders? A lot of motivational speaker quote on motivational books- such as Stephen Covey, Anthony Robin, and other successful stories of successful people- how the mindset and thinking. It's good, but I don't usually fancy or chase after motivational class. A lot good inputs, good inspiring training, but still to put it into practice, application is the most important thing. As for this course, yes- I realise relationship with people, interpersonal relationship is the area which I'm lacking, and I got to really push myself out of the limitation to relate to my staff, to care for them- to communicate with them. Push out of my limitation. ...got to, and will try to. I try, God helps.
6.30pm Monday evening. Today whole day I was in the Lecture Hall for training. Magdalene went with me. The training is on "Effective Supervisory and Managerial Skill"- basically for the HODs, Executives and Supervisors, relevant to our job scope. The trainer is Mr HK Hin, very vocal person, and very experience in giving training to a lot multinational company like Jabil, and Motorola. He was formerly from Motorola and shared with us a lot of his experience dealing with production, and leadership. A lot of the examples of the effective leadership that he addressed, which inspired us. Quite a number of participants attend the course, and tomorrow will be Part II of the long hours training. I did learned a lot from him, about leadership- and it's very much inspiring to hear his experiences. It's basically a motivational training, and it's definitely very effective if we to apply it in our management, yet- there're others area of concerns which not able to work practically. He talk about situational leadership and flexibility- very inspiring and he was saying about changing the mindset, positive thinking. It's all begin at the mindset, and it's the brain. He mention about we're not to live on fate, success is by how we wanna put effort, how the brains work- we can change things. He list down the 7 habits of effective leadership. Inspiring. I wonder if he's a Christian.
Christian working in the world system. How should be our value system. A lot of motivational courses, yet Christian are following on Christ as our role model. To be effective as Christian in secular world, Ro12 - Not to be confront to the standard of the world but to be transform in renewing of our mind, to know the perfect will of God. How do we depends on God, as our role model in dealing with people in workplace, being effective and successful leaders? A lot of motivational speaker quote on motivational books- such as Stephen Covey, Anthony Robin, and other successful stories of successful people- how the mindset and thinking. It's good, but I don't usually fancy or chase after motivational class. A lot good inputs, good inspiring training, but still to put it into practice, application is the most important thing. As for this course, yes- I realise relationship with people, interpersonal relationship is the area which I'm lacking, and I got to really push myself out of the limitation to relate to my staff, to care for them- to communicate with them. Push out of my limitation. ...got to, and will try to. I try, God helps.
Friday, March 17, 2006
We help, God heals...
17th March 2006,
6.20pm Fri evening. Doing blog before packing off straight to church. Today has been okie, work normal. Tomorrow myself and Magdalene will be going to City Bayview for Diabetes Management workshop for whole day, so the pharmacy left Charmine to be in charged. She has hand in resignation letter and her last day will be another 3 months from now. She has been really good help to me, and surely I'll miss her a whole lot.
Just now went to see Dr Leong, give him see aunts' clinical report on the CA. She was diagnosed with colon cancer metastasis to liver, and according to my cousin doctor in Adventist Hospital said there's no hope, no curative treatment available. I seek Dr. Leong's opinion, he said yes, can be treated, probably to prolong survival but not curative. Sadden by this, life goes on. What are we doing about this? As Christian...other than praying. I told Shanice, we will be praying for aunty, take heart. As I look back, we're not pretty close with the relative, only get together occasionally, weddings, funerals, birth. Other than that none, nothing much. Press on praying- do as much as I can to help. I do believe that God heals, Jesus heals. Even though I'm in medical line, and what I've been learning about diseases progression and drugs and treatment, but I believe strongly God heals.
It reflect back the scenario of how dad struggled fighting the cancer. Another question is whether is it that we lack of faith that resulted dad not healed? Or it's unforgiveness in his heart? At that point, I wonder...really really wondering- God, we prayed through, we shed tears, we pressed on, we unite our heart through as family. Church prayed, daddy prayed. He prayed, daddy really press on, and he dependant on God- he struggled yet he keep holding on to God, till the last breath, his last word " The Lord is my Lord and Saviour". That's the last word I ever hear from his mouth before he back with the Lord. Daddy is now with God, enjoying the splendor and majesty. I miss him so much, thinking about him can just make me shed my tears. Deep in my heart still engraved the memories, of the time we pressed on, but God did not heal Daddy. But He's still healer, yes- He heals, Jehovah Rophi, the Healer. How is my faith this time as I stand in the gap to pray for aunt? The Lord gives and He takes away, Blessed be the Name of the Lord. Trust Him, O little Faith, trust Him. He is able!
6.20pm Fri evening. Doing blog before packing off straight to church. Today has been okie, work normal. Tomorrow myself and Magdalene will be going to City Bayview for Diabetes Management workshop for whole day, so the pharmacy left Charmine to be in charged. She has hand in resignation letter and her last day will be another 3 months from now. She has been really good help to me, and surely I'll miss her a whole lot.
Just now went to see Dr Leong, give him see aunts' clinical report on the CA. She was diagnosed with colon cancer metastasis to liver, and according to my cousin doctor in Adventist Hospital said there's no hope, no curative treatment available. I seek Dr. Leong's opinion, he said yes, can be treated, probably to prolong survival but not curative. Sadden by this, life goes on. What are we doing about this? As Christian...other than praying. I told Shanice, we will be praying for aunty, take heart. As I look back, we're not pretty close with the relative, only get together occasionally, weddings, funerals, birth. Other than that none, nothing much. Press on praying- do as much as I can to help. I do believe that God heals, Jesus heals. Even though I'm in medical line, and what I've been learning about diseases progression and drugs and treatment, but I believe strongly God heals.
It reflect back the scenario of how dad struggled fighting the cancer. Another question is whether is it that we lack of faith that resulted dad not healed? Or it's unforgiveness in his heart? At that point, I wonder...really really wondering- God, we prayed through, we shed tears, we pressed on, we unite our heart through as family. Church prayed, daddy prayed. He prayed, daddy really press on, and he dependant on God- he struggled yet he keep holding on to God, till the last breath, his last word " The Lord is my Lord and Saviour". That's the last word I ever hear from his mouth before he back with the Lord. Daddy is now with God, enjoying the splendor and majesty. I miss him so much, thinking about him can just make me shed my tears. Deep in my heart still engraved the memories, of the time we pressed on, but God did not heal Daddy. But He's still healer, yes- He heals, Jehovah Rophi, the Healer. How is my faith this time as I stand in the gap to pray for aunt? The Lord gives and He takes away, Blessed be the Name of the Lord. Trust Him, O little Faith, trust Him. He is able!
Thursday, March 16, 2006
Thursday updates
16th March 2006,
Thurs-5.40pm, about time to go back. Today's work has been alright, normal. Phone ringing over whole place. Today Camelia and Valsala work PM, system down again. We're in the midst of changing system, from DOS to Web-based, with the hope that the new system will speed up the operation and helping in report genaration, with more flexibility and more user friendly. Am quite upset with our drug coding today. I suggested to IT not to migrate the old data to new system, especially the obsolete drug code, items which does not move in 3 years, but my Finance Manager argue with me, require all the items to be coded for data migration. Ended up, finally I have to just do the data set. Oh gross..with all the numbers and figure in front of computer whole day has been twisting my mind. Really pray the new system will not give much problem. Anticipating spike here and there when System On-Live this 30th Apr.
Thurs, nothing much at home, will be going back to have dinner wth mum. Later cousin will be having dinner at home too. Have been working on the CWMC 1st Worksheet, it require a lot of readings and homework. Last week was just the 1st lesson, this week will be more of discussion and more involvement among the members. Introductory lesson-about God, God's plan and purpose for the nation, His redemption plan and establishment of His Kingdom. Tomorrow will be more, very comprehensive teaching.
Thurs-5.40pm, about time to go back. Today's work has been alright, normal. Phone ringing over whole place. Today Camelia and Valsala work PM, system down again. We're in the midst of changing system, from DOS to Web-based, with the hope that the new system will speed up the operation and helping in report genaration, with more flexibility and more user friendly. Am quite upset with our drug coding today. I suggested to IT not to migrate the old data to new system, especially the obsolete drug code, items which does not move in 3 years, but my Finance Manager argue with me, require all the items to be coded for data migration. Ended up, finally I have to just do the data set. Oh gross..with all the numbers and figure in front of computer whole day has been twisting my mind. Really pray the new system will not give much problem. Anticipating spike here and there when System On-Live this 30th Apr.
Thurs, nothing much at home, will be going back to have dinner wth mum. Later cousin will be having dinner at home too. Have been working on the CWMC 1st Worksheet, it require a lot of readings and homework. Last week was just the 1st lesson, this week will be more of discussion and more involvement among the members. Introductory lesson-about God, God's plan and purpose for the nation, His redemption plan and establishment of His Kingdom. Tomorrow will be more, very comprehensive teaching.
Monday, March 13, 2006
Avastin Launching - Lighthouse Fellowship
13th March 2006,
5.45pm Monday evening. Time to pack up. Mum got back yesterday night about 8.30pm, I touch down Pg 6.00pm and straight take cab back home. So tired- take 2 hrs nap, frm 6-8pm. Wake up a bit dizzy, yet better. Now still recovering from my panda eyes, got a lot dark circle already...there goes my sleeping beauty.
Attended Avastin launching on Saturday evening- 7pm Quite technical detailing, more suitable for the doctors- too many studies, can't able to remember so much. Expensive drug- RM1588 per-100mg vial, if a person is 60kg, require 3 vials, will be ~RM5K, aduh... Avastin 100mg pervial (Roche), indicating for metastatic colon cancer, what a high cost of treatment. How can people affort this? The launching is just okie, dinner was very late- 9pm till 11.30pm, then meet up with Kok Keong for drink, catching up after so so long. I've not been back for CNY, has not been catching up with old-schoolmate. Then, back hotel, Angie stay with me for a nite. We chatted till 3am ter-sleep off. Wah, that's my night...very much tiring.
6.45am wake up, take breakfast, take cab to SS3. Wondering so "Tai Tam" alone to SS3. Isn't that dangerous to meet the 'wolf'? If real wolf then habis lar. Reached LightHouse Fellowship about 8.30am, wondering is it the right address? How come just a house, he give me wrong address or what? Hmm...called the phone, no answer, oh no, suspend. Ta da...here come the wolf :) Tall, wearing white collared shirt, with proper short trimmed hair- look so serious. Oh dear, is he the one I'm chatting with all this while? Very serious.
Lighthouse Fellowship, small church, not much people, no drum, no keyboard, just guitar. Entering in, sit at the corner all alone. Kawai and Clarine doing pre-worship, practising on worship. Slowly people coming in, think the whole congregation about 30-40 people, small church. EPCC huge, more than hundreds, all fully equipped. The service started with Pr. leading the congregation on declaration and prayer, followed by some songs, then worship. This is my ever first time attending smaller group church, with long service. Start 9am-1pm (4 hours), wow...I wonder EPCC can have such longer service. The worship was great, full of God's annointing- with simple songs, and a guitar alone can have such wonderful worship- that sure be the work of the Holy Spirit, and God's presence is real. He is there...in our midst, He inhabit in the praises of His people, those who worship Him with Spirit and truth. I have not experience much of speaking in tongues in EPCC, I do believe in speaking in tongue, but we don't use much of it. The church move powerfully with the gifts- speaking in tongue. Strong sense of God's presence and anointing. Refreshing. Pr gives word of knowledge, about some issues about mind that's confuse and hurts. Asked the person to come out, I sense a tug in my heart, is He saying tht to me? Not sure, but God's presence is strong, I can sense that.
Pr. Jayakumar Joseph is the speaker. The message talk about "To be Christlike" taken from book of Luke, and also a lot of other Scriptures, untill some of the point I can't catch the Scripture reference. The church very much into Word of God, backed up with Biblical Scripture. Christlikeness, to be like Christ, strong Word. Hindrances- a lot: Discouragement, Fear, Imaginary Minds, World pleasure. I can identify. That show much much we need God, how much we need His Word, how much we need to keep close to Him, in our conduct, words and testimony to be the light, to be Christlike. Pr. message is strong- I can see he's a man of God- strict and with Godly principles. Powerful ministering, releasing God's Word of knowledge. He looks strict, I don't have a chance to even say Hi, or thank him for the message- too bad.
Sfter service, went for lunch with Kawai and chruch members, hot weather, get to knoe Nicole- the pinkiest girl, and cute girl. Need to write this down to capture the memories, or else mayb next time don't see will not remember- a girl that likes Seven-11. After lunch went back church. Hot weather. Have some chat with Kawai and play with the guitar, nice to play. Had been a while since the last time I played in CG, tipu tipu chords. Kawai keep asking me to play- oh dear, very paisey...anyhow manage to start strumming and get a few songs rolling. Enjoy the guitaring session....after this session, I think I got to start make time to practise guitar, no determination. Remember how I spend time in my room back in Pekaka, to pick few worship songs and play- now no more, lost the passion. Sigh! 3.30pm manage to check in in KL Sentral, thank God. Thank Kawai for fetching me to KL Sentral. Tiring trip yet well-spent- getting to know a fren, a small nice church with wonderful people that passionate for God at least encourage my heart to go on. Pr. messange always a challenge, and repentance is not just repentance, but to get out of it, turn away from it, and transform. A challenge, and prayerfully a transformation and breakthrough for my spiritual life.
Reached home so tired, mum back about 9pm, give a bad news- aunt got liver cancer. Reminded me on how daddy struggle thru' the time to fight cancer. A thoughts, O Lord...so many cancers, so many relatives passed away without knowing God- what am I doing at this time? Sms sister about this, she said we got to press on praying- to pray, what else can we do? To pray and do our part when God open opportunity to share of His good news. Watched FlyWheel, touching. Real life story, very practical, down to earth, should be viewed by all. Prayers make a difference. P>U>S>H Push untill something happen. Pray and have faith in God, He will definitely lead us through if we do not loose heart. Intergrity as Christian, in the sinful word, how are we shinning? How are we shinning and standing in Christlikeness? Move towards that, work on our salvation with fear and trembling. God help us!
12am Devotion- Sleep ever so soundly, Monday will definitely will be a great day! Amen! Thank you Lord!
5.45pm Monday evening. Time to pack up. Mum got back yesterday night about 8.30pm, I touch down Pg 6.00pm and straight take cab back home. So tired- take 2 hrs nap, frm 6-8pm. Wake up a bit dizzy, yet better. Now still recovering from my panda eyes, got a lot dark circle already...there goes my sleeping beauty.
Attended Avastin launching on Saturday evening- 7pm Quite technical detailing, more suitable for the doctors- too many studies, can't able to remember so much. Expensive drug- RM1588 per-100mg vial, if a person is 60kg, require 3 vials, will be ~RM5K, aduh... Avastin 100mg pervial (Roche), indicating for metastatic colon cancer, what a high cost of treatment. How can people affort this? The launching is just okie, dinner was very late- 9pm till 11.30pm, then meet up with Kok Keong for drink, catching up after so so long. I've not been back for CNY, has not been catching up with old-schoolmate. Then, back hotel, Angie stay with me for a nite. We chatted till 3am ter-sleep off. Wah, that's my night...very much tiring.
6.45am wake up, take breakfast, take cab to SS3. Wondering so "Tai Tam" alone to SS3. Isn't that dangerous to meet the 'wolf'? If real wolf then habis lar. Reached LightHouse Fellowship about 8.30am, wondering is it the right address? How come just a house, he give me wrong address or what? Hmm...called the phone, no answer, oh no, suspend. Ta da...here come the wolf :) Tall, wearing white collared shirt, with proper short trimmed hair- look so serious. Oh dear, is he the one I'm chatting with all this while? Very serious.
Lighthouse Fellowship, small church, not much people, no drum, no keyboard, just guitar. Entering in, sit at the corner all alone. Kawai and Clarine doing pre-worship, practising on worship. Slowly people coming in, think the whole congregation about 30-40 people, small church. EPCC huge, more than hundreds, all fully equipped. The service started with Pr. leading the congregation on declaration and prayer, followed by some songs, then worship. This is my ever first time attending smaller group church, with long service. Start 9am-1pm (4 hours), wow...I wonder EPCC can have such longer service. The worship was great, full of God's annointing- with simple songs, and a guitar alone can have such wonderful worship- that sure be the work of the Holy Spirit, and God's presence is real. He is there...in our midst, He inhabit in the praises of His people, those who worship Him with Spirit and truth. I have not experience much of speaking in tongues in EPCC, I do believe in speaking in tongue, but we don't use much of it. The church move powerfully with the gifts- speaking in tongue. Strong sense of God's presence and anointing. Refreshing. Pr gives word of knowledge, about some issues about mind that's confuse and hurts. Asked the person to come out, I sense a tug in my heart, is He saying tht to me? Not sure, but God's presence is strong, I can sense that.
Pr. Jayakumar Joseph is the speaker. The message talk about "To be Christlike" taken from book of Luke, and also a lot of other Scriptures, untill some of the point I can't catch the Scripture reference. The church very much into Word of God, backed up with Biblical Scripture. Christlikeness, to be like Christ, strong Word. Hindrances- a lot: Discouragement, Fear, Imaginary Minds, World pleasure. I can identify. That show much much we need God, how much we need His Word, how much we need to keep close to Him, in our conduct, words and testimony to be the light, to be Christlike. Pr. message is strong- I can see he's a man of God- strict and with Godly principles. Powerful ministering, releasing God's Word of knowledge. He looks strict, I don't have a chance to even say Hi, or thank him for the message- too bad.
Sfter service, went for lunch with Kawai and chruch members, hot weather, get to knoe Nicole- the pinkiest girl, and cute girl. Need to write this down to capture the memories, or else mayb next time don't see will not remember- a girl that likes Seven-11. After lunch went back church. Hot weather. Have some chat with Kawai and play with the guitar, nice to play. Had been a while since the last time I played in CG, tipu tipu chords. Kawai keep asking me to play- oh dear, very paisey...anyhow manage to start strumming and get a few songs rolling. Enjoy the guitaring session....after this session, I think I got to start make time to practise guitar, no determination. Remember how I spend time in my room back in Pekaka, to pick few worship songs and play- now no more, lost the passion. Sigh! 3.30pm manage to check in in KL Sentral, thank God. Thank Kawai for fetching me to KL Sentral. Tiring trip yet well-spent- getting to know a fren, a small nice church with wonderful people that passionate for God at least encourage my heart to go on. Pr. messange always a challenge, and repentance is not just repentance, but to get out of it, turn away from it, and transform. A challenge, and prayerfully a transformation and breakthrough for my spiritual life.
Reached home so tired, mum back about 9pm, give a bad news- aunt got liver cancer. Reminded me on how daddy struggle thru' the time to fight cancer. A thoughts, O Lord...so many cancers, so many relatives passed away without knowing God- what am I doing at this time? Sms sister about this, she said we got to press on praying- to pray, what else can we do? To pray and do our part when God open opportunity to share of His good news. Watched FlyWheel, touching. Real life story, very practical, down to earth, should be viewed by all. Prayers make a difference. P>U>S>H Push untill something happen. Pray and have faith in God, He will definitely lead us through if we do not loose heart. Intergrity as Christian, in the sinful word, how are we shinning? How are we shinning and standing in Christlikeness? Move towards that, work on our salvation with fear and trembling. God help us!
12am Devotion- Sleep ever so soundly, Monday will definitely will be a great day! Amen! Thank you Lord!
Friday, March 10, 2006
Centre of my Life
A song I just learned. The lyrics is good- making Jesus the centre of our life, responding to Him with all we have, stepping out from the comfort zone, the unknown, and trusting the Lord of the things ahead, letting go our the comfort, holding on to Him, in the fear- replace wth peace...
Centre Of My Life
Jonas Myrin, Natasha Bedingfield
Let my walk speak loud
And my words be true
Let my life be whole and my eyes on You
Lord I'm stepping out, from the comfort zone
Letting go of me, holding on to You
PreChorus:
Freedom comes, when I call You Lord
You are Lord, my God
Chorus:
You are the Centre of it all
The universe declares in awe
Your Majesty, I surrender all
I make You the Centre of my life
Lord I respond with all I am
You placed in me the song
Of Heaven's melody
Your Majesty, I live to sing Your song
Verse 2:
I have found Your peace,
it replaces any fear
You have done it all, I can trust in You
Lord I'm stepping out, from the comfort zone
Letting go of me, holding on to You
Bridge:
This is Your song, not mine
It is Your song, that brings healing to this land
This is Your song, not mine
It is Your song, that brings freedom
Centre Of My Life
Jonas Myrin, Natasha Bedingfield
Let my walk speak loud
And my words be true
Let my life be whole and my eyes on You
Lord I'm stepping out, from the comfort zone
Letting go of me, holding on to You
PreChorus:
Freedom comes, when I call You Lord
You are Lord, my God
Chorus:
You are the Centre of it all
The universe declares in awe
Your Majesty, I surrender all
I make You the Centre of my life
Lord I respond with all I am
You placed in me the song
Of Heaven's melody
Your Majesty, I live to sing Your song
Verse 2:
I have found Your peace,
it replaces any fear
You have done it all, I can trust in You
Lord I'm stepping out, from the comfort zone
Letting go of me, holding on to You
Bridge:
This is Your song, not mine
It is Your song, that brings healing to this land
This is Your song, not mine
It is Your song, that brings freedom
Song for the season
10th March 2006,
Friday. It's lunch time, just back from Adventist hospital, just to get a chop from Dr. Elizebeth, and get some goodies for Kawai, yum yum. Bought some muffins and biscuit for the department too, later have Department Meeting. Had been 2 months, we have been slagging behind. Just heard from Boey Trini just delivered BB Boy, wah..tht's so fast, 2 BB in a year, and she can stand. Awesome!...
I wanna post this song in the blog. Other than "heal me O Lord" this song will be the song of the season. The lyrics ministered to my heart, even in the darkest hour, even where You seems far away- I need Your grace- it's by Your grace for me to Sing, and I will Sing...Sing Praise to You...
Friday. It's lunch time, just back from Adventist hospital, just to get a chop from Dr. Elizebeth, and get some goodies for Kawai, yum yum. Bought some muffins and biscuit for the department too, later have Department Meeting. Had been 2 months, we have been slagging behind. Just heard from Boey Trini just delivered BB Boy, wah..tht's so fast, 2 BB in a year, and she can stand. Awesome!...
I wanna post this song in the blog. Other than "heal me O Lord" this song will be the song of the season. The lyrics ministered to my heart, even in the darkest hour, even where You seems far away- I need Your grace- it's by Your grace for me to Sing, and I will Sing...Sing Praise to You...
I will Sing
(Don Moen-Hosanna Intergrity)
Lord You seem so far away
A million miles or more it feels today
And though I haven't lost my faith
I must confess right now
It's hard for me to pray
But I don't know what to say
And I don't know where to start
But as You give the Grace
What all that's in my heart
I will sing; I will praise
Even in my darkest hour
Through the sorrow and the pain
I will sing, I will praise
Lift my hands to honour You
Because Your Word is true
I will sing
Lord it's hard for me to see
All the thoughts and plans You have for me
But I will put my trust in You
Knowing that You died to set me free
But I don't know what to say
I don't know where to start
But as You give the Grace
With all that's in my heart
Thank You Lord, for You never let me go, and You understand the deepest of the deep in me, Thank you Lord for loving me the way I am, just the way I am, and accept me just being me. Thank you Lord, for that Grace you give- and that carry me on, that Grace, that Love carry me on. Thank you Daddy!
Wednesday, March 08, 2006
Heal me O Lord, and I will be healed
7th March 2006,
6.47pm Wednesday evening in the hospital. Today Ms Tan on-leave, then I've been sitting front to do DrugMaster setup for new system transfer. Oh gosh, my eye so weak now, am so tired. I work through my lunch, till I forgotten that Management Meeting is 2.30pm. I was half an hour late for meeting- walking in so 'selamba', and sit far end from boss. Boring. All the big big HODs and the discussion. Not in tune with the flow of the meeting. Nothing much from my department, did not measure the performance tho'- expect all should be fine and well.
I
Previous blog said about "Floating". I decided to change Cell, I hope I make a right decision after so long thoughts. Which one to go? Not sure- Can't say now, wanna go all round, and shop around- to have the experience when I'm just newly join church-fresh from start. But are you serious about that? What do you want to achieve? What's the criterias? I don't know. Probably I want more serious Cell, a cell that is strong in the Words, and environment that I can grow. This doesn't mean that I am not growing in DU. It' just that I'm probably in the stagnant mode that I need some push up. Oh 'push up'?? How can you say that? No one can push you, you got to make effort. I know I know..make effort, I know, but I just need the condusive environment to make effort. Oh, I don't know- I can't explain that. I also don't know what I want..sob sob.
I got a cassette from Lily Kang (Merck). It's Don Moen- God will make a Way. One of the song is Heal me O Lord. I love this song. It just ministered in my heart, as if my heart has been so full of burdens and worldly concerns, that it has been so less of Him but more of Me. Oh how the heart has been wandered from the passion. O Lord, help me to draw back to You, heal me O Lord, and I will be healed, save me and I will be saved....You are the one I praised. Give You this heart. Like the people of Israel that has been wandering away from you, has forgotten Your wonderful work. Hw easy these sheep wandered away, yet Yur love is so great- neve failed to bring us back. Hodling us in the palms of Your hands. Always there whenever we turn back to You. Help me Father to be consistently loving You, staying in the right Faith. Faith Lord...Increase my faith, one step ahead, when You drawing 999 steps forward, just a step ahead. Pls Lord- be patience with me, I'm trying to walk that small step. I need to do it, not because I must, because I want to, because I love You Lord!
6.47pm Wednesday evening in the hospital. Today Ms Tan on-leave, then I've been sitting front to do DrugMaster setup for new system transfer. Oh gosh, my eye so weak now, am so tired. I work through my lunch, till I forgotten that Management Meeting is 2.30pm. I was half an hour late for meeting- walking in so 'selamba', and sit far end from boss. Boring. All the big big HODs and the discussion. Not in tune with the flow of the meeting. Nothing much from my department, did not measure the performance tho'- expect all should be fine and well.
I
Previous blog said about "Floating". I decided to change Cell, I hope I make a right decision after so long thoughts. Which one to go? Not sure- Can't say now, wanna go all round, and shop around- to have the experience when I'm just newly join church-fresh from start. But are you serious about that? What do you want to achieve? What's the criterias? I don't know. Probably I want more serious Cell, a cell that is strong in the Words, and environment that I can grow. This doesn't mean that I am not growing in DU. It' just that I'm probably in the stagnant mode that I need some push up. Oh 'push up'?? How can you say that? No one can push you, you got to make effort. I know I know..make effort, I know, but I just need the condusive environment to make effort. Oh, I don't know- I can't explain that. I also don't know what I want..sob sob.
I got a cassette from Lily Kang (Merck). It's Don Moen- God will make a Way. One of the song is Heal me O Lord. I love this song. It just ministered in my heart, as if my heart has been so full of burdens and worldly concerns, that it has been so less of Him but more of Me. Oh how the heart has been wandered from the passion. O Lord, help me to draw back to You, heal me O Lord, and I will be healed, save me and I will be saved....You are the one I praised. Give You this heart. Like the people of Israel that has been wandering away from you, has forgotten Your wonderful work. Hw easy these sheep wandered away, yet Yur love is so great- neve failed to bring us back. Hodling us in the palms of Your hands. Always there whenever we turn back to You. Help me Father to be consistently loving You, staying in the right Faith. Faith Lord...Increase my faith, one step ahead, when You drawing 999 steps forward, just a step ahead. Pls Lord- be patience with me, I'm trying to walk that small step. I need to do it, not because I must, because I want to, because I love You Lord!
Saturday, March 04, 2006
Floating.....a place to belong?
4th March 2006,
Saturday morning-10.56am, am working, outside girls are chatting- probably not much of patients. Just now test Urine Dipstick- Sugar NAD, Albumin ++, oh dear, not a good result. Hope mum able to successfully pass the Prudential Insurance Policy, or else it'll be blacklisted and not able to get any in the future. Yeah, insurance policy- why I'm so worried? Rest assured in God, if she get she'll get, or else don't worry- trusting God's the ultimate protector of His children. If can get, praise the Lord, if not, also praise the Lord- so don't fret Shirley, don't need to. Later will see what Dr. Leong said about the result.
Yeah- floating, Am I floating? Last night I joined Zion/Marcus's CG, and A2J/Roland's CG. Celebrating Joanne's Bday. Had fun, behaving pretty wild- unlike the Shirley that people's know. Pr. always said to 'be yourself'. Am I myself? I think I am myself, sometimes to behave childlike, or even childish, sometime serious, and sometimes moody, sometimes stern non-smile look. It's just how I behave in different environment, does that means I have a spilt personality? I don't think so. It's a flexibility. Yet such flexibility should also be guarded carefully, that the reaction and response will something that is 'faking out'. You'll know it deep within, the genuine or the fake. Whatever it is- all actions should be flow out from you, yourself. A child of God, accepted by God the way He created you, loved by JC.
Mum is now in A/S. Will be there for a week. She has been independant- not sure she'll be ok alone there. Always a concerned. Wish sis will be back- at least I can share my burden, but she's happy in Johor, don't think it's good idea to force her back. She's growing well- with church, cell and the accountable friends there. One thing I admire about her, able to open up- strong inside. Myself appeared to be strong outside, yet inside is so weak and fragile. Our "position in Christ"- very well said. Probably it's for me to rediscover my position in Him, and to grab the promise, grab hold of that love of Christ. I know it's there- freely ascessible, 24 hours available, died for me on the Cross- take away my shame, renewed me. Loves me so so much. Yet, it seem hard to hv the breakthrough- something entangles, need tp push push and push, and tired, sometimes just feel like giving up. Life is as such. Again, a paradign shift of our perspective, how we look at things. You are what you thinketh. How true. All should channeled back to the WOG. Let that be life, let the Word be life, to breath life and transform life. Reconcilation is one time, transformation is on-going. Yet reconcilation should be the first to get right with before transformation. Yes, I've reconcilled to Him, yet there're still many things I should get reconcilled before the transformation.
O Lord, I trust in You, and I really did- where else can I turn to, for You hold the Word of eternal life. I trust You holding up my life in the palms of Your hands; before I utter any words, You already knew it, such knowledge is too marvelous and wonderful for me to phantom. I trust, not with my mouth- but with my heart, and thoughts, I trust.
Saturday morning-10.56am, am working, outside girls are chatting- probably not much of patients. Just now test Urine Dipstick- Sugar NAD, Albumin ++, oh dear, not a good result. Hope mum able to successfully pass the Prudential Insurance Policy, or else it'll be blacklisted and not able to get any in the future. Yeah, insurance policy- why I'm so worried? Rest assured in God, if she get she'll get, or else don't worry- trusting God's the ultimate protector of His children. If can get, praise the Lord, if not, also praise the Lord- so don't fret Shirley, don't need to. Later will see what Dr. Leong said about the result.
Yeah- floating, Am I floating? Last night I joined Zion/Marcus's CG, and A2J/Roland's CG. Celebrating Joanne's Bday. Had fun, behaving pretty wild- unlike the Shirley that people's know. Pr. always said to 'be yourself'. Am I myself? I think I am myself, sometimes to behave childlike, or even childish, sometime serious, and sometimes moody, sometimes stern non-smile look. It's just how I behave in different environment, does that means I have a spilt personality? I don't think so. It's a flexibility. Yet such flexibility should also be guarded carefully, that the reaction and response will something that is 'faking out'. You'll know it deep within, the genuine or the fake. Whatever it is- all actions should be flow out from you, yourself. A child of God, accepted by God the way He created you, loved by JC.
Mum is now in A/S. Will be there for a week. She has been independant- not sure she'll be ok alone there. Always a concerned. Wish sis will be back- at least I can share my burden, but she's happy in Johor, don't think it's good idea to force her back. She's growing well- with church, cell and the accountable friends there. One thing I admire about her, able to open up- strong inside. Myself appeared to be strong outside, yet inside is so weak and fragile. Our "position in Christ"- very well said. Probably it's for me to rediscover my position in Him, and to grab the promise, grab hold of that love of Christ. I know it's there- freely ascessible, 24 hours available, died for me on the Cross- take away my shame, renewed me. Loves me so so much. Yet, it seem hard to hv the breakthrough- something entangles, need tp push push and push, and tired, sometimes just feel like giving up. Life is as such. Again, a paradign shift of our perspective, how we look at things. You are what you thinketh. How true. All should channeled back to the WOG. Let that be life, let the Word be life, to breath life and transform life. Reconcilation is one time, transformation is on-going. Yet reconcilation should be the first to get right with before transformation. Yes, I've reconcilled to Him, yet there're still many things I should get reconcilled before the transformation.
O Lord, I trust in You, and I really did- where else can I turn to, for You hold the Word of eternal life. I trust You holding up my life in the palms of Your hands; before I utter any words, You already knew it, such knowledge is too marvelous and wonderful for me to phantom. I trust, not with my mouth- but with my heart, and thoughts, I trust.
Thursday, March 02, 2006
March- another month...
2nd March 2006,
6.38pm. Time up, yet still in the office, has been a while didn't do blog, now trying to think wht to write. Has been a while, it's so fast, alreadt March. Today kinda busy, with work, e-THIS thingy with it's date due had just keep me busy. Life is the same, nothing much to share about. Cell Group the same I guess, I think my deli delly attitude just pull me aside to decide what to do and where I should be heading. This Fri CG at Philip's house, but I told Eric I'm gonna visit Jon's Cell, might just end up his Cell, not too sure. Starting another 2 weeks the Cell will meet in church for CWMC, at that point also not sure which Cell to join in. Floating, yeah floating and it's not that good- yet trusting God to lead me, somehow to lead me to a place, to grow.
Just now mum came for check up, for ME to get new Prudential Insurance Policy. Wow, the premium is really high, 250 per-month, means will be 3k per-year. Not sure what's Christian view about insurance. It's about protection, more of to protect and also saving, yet the Bible said that He will watch over us, and protect us, and He will provide, why do we wanna get insurance then? Some Christians has very strong oppose on the buying insurance- it shows our lack of trust in the Lord. I bought insurance for own, and family. Yeah, I don't see any reason of showing lack of trust. It's more of the motive- what's our motive? No right or wrong.
Gonna be going to KL again this 11 March for Avastin Launching. Hope to meet up with Angie, Keong and Kawai. A time to go off from Penang. But will usually feel tired. Will be travelling quite often in the future. April will have another symposium ISOPP X at Hilton, then May 3 rd week will be going to Singapore for a week for NCC attachment. Has been running around, travelling and floating. Oh Lord, what do You want me to learn in such time as this?
6.38pm. Time up, yet still in the office, has been a while didn't do blog, now trying to think wht to write. Has been a while, it's so fast, alreadt March. Today kinda busy, with work, e-THIS thingy with it's date due had just keep me busy. Life is the same, nothing much to share about. Cell Group the same I guess, I think my deli delly attitude just pull me aside to decide what to do and where I should be heading. This Fri CG at Philip's house, but I told Eric I'm gonna visit Jon's Cell, might just end up his Cell, not too sure. Starting another 2 weeks the Cell will meet in church for CWMC, at that point also not sure which Cell to join in. Floating, yeah floating and it's not that good- yet trusting God to lead me, somehow to lead me to a place, to grow.
Just now mum came for check up, for ME to get new Prudential Insurance Policy. Wow, the premium is really high, 250 per-month, means will be 3k per-year. Not sure what's Christian view about insurance. It's about protection, more of to protect and also saving, yet the Bible said that He will watch over us, and protect us, and He will provide, why do we wanna get insurance then? Some Christians has very strong oppose on the buying insurance- it shows our lack of trust in the Lord. I bought insurance for own, and family. Yeah, I don't see any reason of showing lack of trust. It's more of the motive- what's our motive? No right or wrong.
Gonna be going to KL again this 11 March for Avastin Launching. Hope to meet up with Angie, Keong and Kawai. A time to go off from Penang. But will usually feel tired. Will be travelling quite often in the future. April will have another symposium ISOPP X at Hilton, then May 3 rd week will be going to Singapore for a week for NCC attachment. Has been running around, travelling and floating. Oh Lord, what do You want me to learn in such time as this?
Monday, February 20, 2006
Avillion.. there I come
20th February 2006,
Monday 5.51pm, it's a busy day. Taking things slowly and steadily, one thing at a time. A lot to work on. Just got back from Avillion, a nice place- first time sharing room with other participant, but it was good- coz sharing with Olivia- catching up with her, and shared on the CA memories and updates. Hotel is nice, open air bathroom, I enjoyed the who seminar. The participant very much outgoing and open, they're Singaporean girls, 25 participant, all girls except one guy. We had fun time- most of the participant very young, so we have team building- and also presentation on the different group. I'm in Roman Empire group, and we're given Roman Empire dress, One King's dress- for Caesar and another 4 for ladies, Egyptian dress. So we form a drama, dance for the King, to pick his wife to be. I dance Chinese papar-fan dance. Hmm..not bad, quite fun. We finally won 1st prize- got a free foot massage service, but I gave it away to others coz I got to catch a flight the next day. Learn quite a lot in the seminar. Interaction with the Singaporean gives me some insights. Even though I'm usually quiet, yet I can know a few people, and tht's good enough. Shld need to keep in touch, hope to see them again.
Yeah, Monday Blues. Working life has been okie. A lot things yet to finalize- on new projects and planning for extension of CDR, yet taking my time, slowly. Learn on delegation, and asking God for wisdom each day. Talk to Celina just now, yeah- shared about brother, and family. Last night chat with mum has been in my heart- yeah, expectation again. Why did I placed such high expectation on brother? Have I been understanding enough? I should silence up, and not justify anymore. Rest it to the Lord, and may He guide the family. The life of Job- He gives and He take away, Blessed be the Name of the Lord. Can I praise Him in times of imperfection, in times of shaking? My level of trust, and the stillness. Pr Sam's sermon for Sunday has been good- all come back to the Word of God. How much have we really soak ourselves in the Word of God? Hw passionate are we? How hungry are we? How's our response after the Word? Grieve and repents then what?..then what? What should be the reaction? Take it with joy.. joy in His Word.
Father, forgive me for being lagging in drawing in Your Word. You've run 999 steps to reach out to me, and it requires only a step from me. Forgive me for such lack of faith and trust. Father I wanna run back to Your Word, not by might, not by power but by Your Spirit. Yes, it require a little step, and I'm coming Daddy, please bear with me. Thank you, work in me each day. Through good time or bad time, I know Lord You're near, so near, so so near...praise You Lord. Holy Spirit work deep in me. Thank You! Amen!
Monday 5.51pm, it's a busy day. Taking things slowly and steadily, one thing at a time. A lot to work on. Just got back from Avillion, a nice place- first time sharing room with other participant, but it was good- coz sharing with Olivia- catching up with her, and shared on the CA memories and updates. Hotel is nice, open air bathroom, I enjoyed the who seminar. The participant very much outgoing and open, they're Singaporean girls, 25 participant, all girls except one guy. We had fun time- most of the participant very young, so we have team building- and also presentation on the different group. I'm in Roman Empire group, and we're given Roman Empire dress, One King's dress- for Caesar and another 4 for ladies, Egyptian dress. So we form a drama, dance for the King, to pick his wife to be. I dance Chinese papar-fan dance. Hmm..not bad, quite fun. We finally won 1st prize- got a free foot massage service, but I gave it away to others coz I got to catch a flight the next day. Learn quite a lot in the seminar. Interaction with the Singaporean gives me some insights. Even though I'm usually quiet, yet I can know a few people, and tht's good enough. Shld need to keep in touch, hope to see them again.
Yeah, Monday Blues. Working life has been okie. A lot things yet to finalize- on new projects and planning for extension of CDR, yet taking my time, slowly. Learn on delegation, and asking God for wisdom each day. Talk to Celina just now, yeah- shared about brother, and family. Last night chat with mum has been in my heart- yeah, expectation again. Why did I placed such high expectation on brother? Have I been understanding enough? I should silence up, and not justify anymore. Rest it to the Lord, and may He guide the family. The life of Job- He gives and He take away, Blessed be the Name of the Lord. Can I praise Him in times of imperfection, in times of shaking? My level of trust, and the stillness. Pr Sam's sermon for Sunday has been good- all come back to the Word of God. How much have we really soak ourselves in the Word of God? Hw passionate are we? How hungry are we? How's our response after the Word? Grieve and repents then what?..then what? What should be the reaction? Take it with joy.. joy in His Word.
Father, forgive me for being lagging in drawing in Your Word. You've run 999 steps to reach out to me, and it requires only a step from me. Forgive me for such lack of faith and trust. Father I wanna run back to Your Word, not by might, not by power but by Your Spirit. Yes, it require a little step, and I'm coming Daddy, please bear with me. Thank you, work in me each day. Through good time or bad time, I know Lord You're near, so near, so so near...praise You Lord. Holy Spirit work deep in me. Thank You! Amen!
Thursday, February 09, 2006
Testing 1,2, 3...Blogging Picture:)
Ehhh...?? Who is this? Cun Babe..."I'm Ms. Dew, call me Peace", her name is Dew_Peace :DDDD
Hehe..never bother to play on the blog till today. Got to wait till 7.30pm for Support-Group dinner. I should write something about myself then, since this can be published. What can I say...Simple, yet deep; Ordinary yet Extra-Cautionary; Gentle& Caring (duh..) yet Complex, Sweet, and Cute- yet Fierce. Soft, and Fragile yet Tough and Stubborn, don't mess with her;)
I remember I put this in my Friendster: "Bipolar-mixed personality;
Chol-Phleg-Melancho-Sang (20%-25%-50%-5%) Loved by JC.
Anyhow, I always been reminded of His Word in Psalms, that's how how my Daddy manufacture me :D
Psalms 139:13-16
13 For You formed my inward parts;
You covered me in my mother’s womb.
14 I will praise You,
for I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
[b] Marvelous are Your works,
And that my soul knows very well.
15 My frame was not hidden from You,
When I was made in secret,
And skillfully wrought in the lowest parts of the earth.
16 Your eyes saw my substance, being yet unformed.
And in Your book they all were written,
The days fashioned for me,
When as yet there were none of them.
Open the eyes of our Heart, Lord
9th February 2006,
It's 2.13pm, Thurs afternoon. Just took bread for lunch, tonite have a CNY dinner with cancer patient support group. Will be staying in hospital then. I forgotten to ask my pharmcists to attend, no only telling them and they said they got plan already-so later I'll be going alone. Work has been good- planning for new renovation for our new unit. Quite excited over it. Becoming an architect cum pharmacist now, trying to sort out how to renovate my little new castle- the clean-room, the positioning of the emergency shower, getting quotation from suppliers. I guess I'm quite slow- don't know a lot of things, not sure about right procedures, feeling like I'm as if like a gun that shooting randomly, all plan half here half there...maybe I'm too 'tamak' want to do everything- so that at least I touch a little here and there. Good and bad, good coz I'll have wider scope on more projects and more new things to do, but bad- coz it'll lack of depth. But overall, have not receive and bad inputs on my job performance. Boss has been a goodman, even though he's rather quiet, don't really speak a lot, but I work well with him. I have alot flexibility and I don't want to abuse that, will only use if needed. I think boss also trust me a lot. Okay la so far...
Last night Prayer-Drive. I drove around Century Bay apartment, then around BJ court. Our group pray for the Migrant worker: Kasturi, Ps Mei, Ken and Caroline, myself one car. The prayer drive is good, we really sense the presence of God surronds us. Even though the prayer list has been given but the Lord impressed us to pray with new light, new scope. Our car got a lot prayer warriors- Pr Mei and Kasturi and Ken really wonderful people. I always very encourage by this sort of people that so passionate on the work of Ministry. Indeed the harvest field is plentiful- see how the Lord open the door bringing so many migrant worker to Malaysia, Nepal, Vietnamese, Bangladeshi. It's open door, it's time for church to rise up. It's Kairos time- for the churches aroud to wake up and take the call. But why is our heart so complacent and so hard to move? Am questioning myself too- wht is God calling me in the area of evangelism, or mission? Awaken the Sleeping Giant....awaken that sleeping giant, awaken- Wake up. Now is the time! Can't you see it? Open our Spiritual Blindness eyes. The Word is there, the Word is life, how are we receiving it? Are we hungry and long for His Word?
O Lord, forgive us for being sleeping, a sleeping giant. Over contented, complacency, blinded by the worldly system, our eyes has not seen our ear has not heard, our heart has not understand what You're doing admist of us. Forgive us Lord, for building our own houses, and forgetting your altar, Your house. Forgive us for pitching the tents so many times, yet never laid any altar..How wretch of us. Yet You loves us, you loves me and give Your life for me- on the Cross of Calvary. That precious blood, the gift of life, how can we comprehend. Help me not to loose the focus of such love and free gifts. It's time- Open the eyes of my Heart Lord!
It's 2.13pm, Thurs afternoon. Just took bread for lunch, tonite have a CNY dinner with cancer patient support group. Will be staying in hospital then. I forgotten to ask my pharmcists to attend, no only telling them and they said they got plan already-so later I'll be going alone. Work has been good- planning for new renovation for our new unit. Quite excited over it. Becoming an architect cum pharmacist now, trying to sort out how to renovate my little new castle- the clean-room, the positioning of the emergency shower, getting quotation from suppliers. I guess I'm quite slow- don't know a lot of things, not sure about right procedures, feeling like I'm as if like a gun that shooting randomly, all plan half here half there...maybe I'm too 'tamak' want to do everything- so that at least I touch a little here and there. Good and bad, good coz I'll have wider scope on more projects and more new things to do, but bad- coz it'll lack of depth. But overall, have not receive and bad inputs on my job performance. Boss has been a goodman, even though he's rather quiet, don't really speak a lot, but I work well with him. I have alot flexibility and I don't want to abuse that, will only use if needed. I think boss also trust me a lot. Okay la so far...
Last night Prayer-Drive. I drove around Century Bay apartment, then around BJ court. Our group pray for the Migrant worker: Kasturi, Ps Mei, Ken and Caroline, myself one car. The prayer drive is good, we really sense the presence of God surronds us. Even though the prayer list has been given but the Lord impressed us to pray with new light, new scope. Our car got a lot prayer warriors- Pr Mei and Kasturi and Ken really wonderful people. I always very encourage by this sort of people that so passionate on the work of Ministry. Indeed the harvest field is plentiful- see how the Lord open the door bringing so many migrant worker to Malaysia, Nepal, Vietnamese, Bangladeshi. It's open door, it's time for church to rise up. It's Kairos time- for the churches aroud to wake up and take the call. But why is our heart so complacent and so hard to move? Am questioning myself too- wht is God calling me in the area of evangelism, or mission? Awaken the Sleeping Giant....awaken that sleeping giant, awaken- Wake up. Now is the time! Can't you see it? Open our Spiritual Blindness eyes. The Word is there, the Word is life, how are we receiving it? Are we hungry and long for His Word?
O Lord, forgive us for being sleeping, a sleeping giant. Over contented, complacency, blinded by the worldly system, our eyes has not seen our ear has not heard, our heart has not understand what You're doing admist of us. Forgive us Lord, for building our own houses, and forgetting your altar, Your house. Forgive us for pitching the tents so many times, yet never laid any altar..How wretch of us. Yet You loves us, you loves me and give Your life for me- on the Cross of Calvary. That precious blood, the gift of life, how can we comprehend. Help me not to loose the focus of such love and free gifts. It's time- Open the eyes of my Heart Lord!
Tuesday, February 07, 2006
Earliest Sleeping Time
7th February 2006,
8.42am, last night was my earliest sleeping time- 10am already Zzzzz, so sweet and sound, plan to adjust the clock to wake up early in the morning 6am, but keep on snooze my H/P alarm each time it ring. Oh dear...I'm so lazy, battling to wake up. End up- praying in prostrate position- praying for family and working place. Babbling through, decided to put on my feet to wake up. Oh, Shirley- what a discipline. Got to work out my body, sleep early rise up early. Oh, now I feel even as I slept for more than 8 hours, yet the body and bones seems so tired and rusty, is that sign of aging? Or, got to plan for something more challenging to do.
Today Ms Tan, my store-keeper on leave. Anything happen to the stock issue will come to me. Am not very happy to handle stock issue- always have the idea pharmacist's job should not concern stock- it's more of patient-care but the situation now has change. Am I being content in such job scope? In term of management, how has I been contributing, and whether did I grow in higher level dealing with managing staff and issues.
O Lord, grant me wisdom today, that every decision making and each speech from my mouth will be guided with Your Spirit, that whatever I do, let me do it for You and not of pleasing man alone. Oh Lord, guide me today- grant me strength and joy in marketplace- let me be a testimony, touching a life today. Amen!
8.42am, last night was my earliest sleeping time- 10am already Zzzzz, so sweet and sound, plan to adjust the clock to wake up early in the morning 6am, but keep on snooze my H/P alarm each time it ring. Oh dear...I'm so lazy, battling to wake up. End up- praying in prostrate position- praying for family and working place. Babbling through, decided to put on my feet to wake up. Oh, Shirley- what a discipline. Got to work out my body, sleep early rise up early. Oh, now I feel even as I slept for more than 8 hours, yet the body and bones seems so tired and rusty, is that sign of aging? Or, got to plan for something more challenging to do.
Today Ms Tan, my store-keeper on leave. Anything happen to the stock issue will come to me. Am not very happy to handle stock issue- always have the idea pharmacist's job should not concern stock- it's more of patient-care but the situation now has change. Am I being content in such job scope? In term of management, how has I been contributing, and whether did I grow in higher level dealing with managing staff and issues.
O Lord, grant me wisdom today, that every decision making and each speech from my mouth will be guided with Your Spirit, that whatever I do, let me do it for You and not of pleasing man alone. Oh Lord, guide me today- grant me strength and joy in marketplace- let me be a testimony, touching a life today. Amen!
Monday, February 06, 2006
The Ever Funniest Dream
6th February 2006,
5.08pm Monday evening. After CNY holidays, momentum doesn't seem to pick up, still lazy around. February gonna be great. Last Sunday sermon was just so good- about Man of Honor, not just focus on man alone, but also applied to women as well. About hw I'm living my life, between Bethel and Ai, between Godliness and worldliness. It's always a challenge, life always a challenge. I realize so many things about myself, some weakness coated with strength. How do i use it. Yes, it's not difficult to get a degree but not education. Education comes from above, wisdom from experience, life experience, learning to pick up when you fall. Learning to not repeat the errors again when you're wrongly walk on it. It need constant reminder- the inner being should be strong, the background and basic should be strong. I desire that Lord- help me, I'm willing to be broken, painful but I wanna hear You Lord, pls speak Your Word of wisdom and my heart will hear you, my heart will hear You and be still, and know You are Lord, You are Who I am that is speaking the very Word. Continue to soften my heart. To be soft when it's required to be soft, and to be strong and hard when it's suppose to be. Your time.
The title of my blog is about my dream- it's just so funny, and I think I've told a lot of the people I met, and have a good laugh over it. I seldom get dreams, and this time it's so real- that's why I thot of maybe write in this blog- next time if I ever read back I'll just laugh at myself. The story is like that: I was so tired, after all the play, lack of sleep, sleep almost 1.30am every night. Too "Hong So" (Joanne called me that). And I eat quite much during CNY. Actually not really a lot, but don't know why I got this dream. I dreamt that I eat a whole lot during Chinese New Year, all the leftover food, all the beer, and all the biscuit that laid on the living room table. Then one day, I weigh myself- I looked down the scale, Oh Shirley! It's 100kg. Oh No!!!! Oh NO!!, then I woke up, and literally I woke up and check my body..Realize that the fats is normal, my normal fats only. Thanks God. Wow, what a revelation, maybe God wanna remind me to keep my body more in shape, or it's just a warning that "Shirley- if you don't control your diet- you gonna end up like that- don't say I didn't warn you- self control my dear". Hmm..makes me scare of eating too much. The day after the incidence, I remember, Sat I went to work, I didn't take food from morning till afternoon- I wish I can skip dinner, but too hungry, got to eat:) Oh dear..I got to work out my body. Need to reduce fats- so I determine to use the TonicFlex every nite before I sleep, hope it able to work well:) Determine wor...cakap saja kah Shirley? Dun cakap only, must loose weight! Jia You! Jia You!...
5.08pm Monday evening. After CNY holidays, momentum doesn't seem to pick up, still lazy around. February gonna be great. Last Sunday sermon was just so good- about Man of Honor, not just focus on man alone, but also applied to women as well. About hw I'm living my life, between Bethel and Ai, between Godliness and worldliness. It's always a challenge, life always a challenge. I realize so many things about myself, some weakness coated with strength. How do i use it. Yes, it's not difficult to get a degree but not education. Education comes from above, wisdom from experience, life experience, learning to pick up when you fall. Learning to not repeat the errors again when you're wrongly walk on it. It need constant reminder- the inner being should be strong, the background and basic should be strong. I desire that Lord- help me, I'm willing to be broken, painful but I wanna hear You Lord, pls speak Your Word of wisdom and my heart will hear you, my heart will hear You and be still, and know You are Lord, You are Who I am that is speaking the very Word. Continue to soften my heart. To be soft when it's required to be soft, and to be strong and hard when it's suppose to be. Your time.
The title of my blog is about my dream- it's just so funny, and I think I've told a lot of the people I met, and have a good laugh over it. I seldom get dreams, and this time it's so real- that's why I thot of maybe write in this blog- next time if I ever read back I'll just laugh at myself. The story is like that: I was so tired, after all the play, lack of sleep, sleep almost 1.30am every night. Too "Hong So" (Joanne called me that). And I eat quite much during CNY. Actually not really a lot, but don't know why I got this dream. I dreamt that I eat a whole lot during Chinese New Year, all the leftover food, all the beer, and all the biscuit that laid on the living room table. Then one day, I weigh myself- I looked down the scale, Oh Shirley! It's 100kg. Oh No!!!! Oh NO!!, then I woke up, and literally I woke up and check my body..Realize that the fats is normal, my normal fats only. Thanks God. Wow, what a revelation, maybe God wanna remind me to keep my body more in shape, or it's just a warning that "Shirley- if you don't control your diet- you gonna end up like that- don't say I didn't warn you- self control my dear". Hmm..makes me scare of eating too much. The day after the incidence, I remember, Sat I went to work, I didn't take food from morning till afternoon- I wish I can skip dinner, but too hungry, got to eat:) Oh dear..I got to work out my body. Need to reduce fats- so I determine to use the TonicFlex every nite before I sleep, hope it able to work well:) Determine wor...cakap saja kah Shirley? Dun cakap only, must loose weight! Jia You! Jia You!...
Saturday, February 04, 2006
Saturday...7th Day of CNY
4th February 2006,
It's Saturday, 1.13pm to be exact. Whole week of rest for CNY has been a refreshing one, even though got some spike here and there, overall, God is so good. Today nothing much in work. Early morning got angpow from Boey, cute little Kitty angpow, then a request from Choong to take leave during May. I've been reluctant to release her for leave, we has some arguement and she almost cry- I've not been mean, she should able to understand the condition. Can't always demand own ways. She complaints that it's stressful working here, and she waana leave Pharmacy and prefer to transfer other department. Am really don't know how to handle such person. I don't want to say yes to her, even though I can allow her to take leave. Make it hard so tht people will not make use and take advantage of the leave. Bad eh?
Has been a while didn't write blog- just do so before logging off for another week. Am planning on the CDR Room- don't know that I got to be architect also for the requirement of the CDR for 2007. No experience, but trusting God and take slow step each step at a time, pray the Lord to guide me.
Yesterday attended Jon's CG- Mawar CG. There're quite a numbers in the Cell- Jon and Esthers, Pauline and Terry, Pr. Mei and Pr. Eddy, Pr. Samuel and Pricilla, Angeline and Becky (Phillipino), Loon, Uncle Andy and Desmond, Anthony (Indian guy). Who else I left out- yeah, Susie and Asley. Big group, such a strength and dynamic in the group, got family, couples, single. The worship was just great, accapella worship yet it's so full of the heart. It's so nice to sing without music, without any musical instrument. The Words shared was great. I'm so encouraged. The word is on Cahpter 6: The Ambassodors of Christ, taken from 2 Cor 5. The sharing initisally quite boring- more of theology and bible verses- then turn out to be very much practical and down to earth. 2 things that capture my attention. How are we Christian different fron the non-believers? How are we being as His Ambassodors in working place? There're so many good people around- so many very well manannered and good people around us, but what makes us stand out? To truly stand out as the light of the world? It's not just of doing good- coz everybody doing good nowadays. But it should be more, doing more good, exceedingly, higher standard. What others can't do and we do? What's so different?
Second- all our works should be compelled by love, overflow by love. That should be the fuel, by love. Others probably do good out of motives to get acceptance and approval by others, getting promotion or make ourselves feel good about it, or feel high. But what about us? Why do we continue want to strive giving the best, motivated by love, by what the Lord has done for us- because we had tasted that he is good. Are we tasting the goodness of God, or else how do we share the sweetness to the rest when we don't? So many Christians has been so comfortable, did not carry the light, or don't bother to share, because maybe we has long not tasted God, not enabling ourselves soak in His Word and Promises and in His love. If we don't be Ambassodors, who else? Who else can reach to the world? Oh God, such a standard- need His infilling- daily, let the cup be fulled and overflowing so that others will just see the goodness, the difference.
Pondering my life in working world, have I been faithful in His calling to be minister in working place? Have I been faithful, and taking the opportunity to love, to be Christlike? In the midst of the politics and the backbiting, where do I stand? Have I been different, standing in the gap to pray and to channel Hos love through me? O Lord, forgive me of my short-coming, that many times I shut my heart from those unlovable people, that I've compromise on the worldly standard and scheme and games played. Help me to stand out as light, Your Light, Your Armor, Your Ambassodors, to stand out- that people will see Christ in us. Amen!
It's Saturday, 1.13pm to be exact. Whole week of rest for CNY has been a refreshing one, even though got some spike here and there, overall, God is so good. Today nothing much in work. Early morning got angpow from Boey, cute little Kitty angpow, then a request from Choong to take leave during May. I've been reluctant to release her for leave, we has some arguement and she almost cry- I've not been mean, she should able to understand the condition. Can't always demand own ways. She complaints that it's stressful working here, and she waana leave Pharmacy and prefer to transfer other department. Am really don't know how to handle such person. I don't want to say yes to her, even though I can allow her to take leave. Make it hard so tht people will not make use and take advantage of the leave. Bad eh?
Has been a while didn't write blog- just do so before logging off for another week. Am planning on the CDR Room- don't know that I got to be architect also for the requirement of the CDR for 2007. No experience, but trusting God and take slow step each step at a time, pray the Lord to guide me.
Yesterday attended Jon's CG- Mawar CG. There're quite a numbers in the Cell- Jon and Esthers, Pauline and Terry, Pr. Mei and Pr. Eddy, Pr. Samuel and Pricilla, Angeline and Becky (Phillipino), Loon, Uncle Andy and Desmond, Anthony (Indian guy). Who else I left out- yeah, Susie and Asley. Big group, such a strength and dynamic in the group, got family, couples, single. The worship was just great, accapella worship yet it's so full of the heart. It's so nice to sing without music, without any musical instrument. The Words shared was great. I'm so encouraged. The word is on Cahpter 6: The Ambassodors of Christ, taken from 2 Cor 5. The sharing initisally quite boring- more of theology and bible verses- then turn out to be very much practical and down to earth. 2 things that capture my attention. How are we Christian different fron the non-believers? How are we being as His Ambassodors in working place? There're so many good people around- so many very well manannered and good people around us, but what makes us stand out? To truly stand out as the light of the world? It's not just of doing good- coz everybody doing good nowadays. But it should be more, doing more good, exceedingly, higher standard. What others can't do and we do? What's so different?
Second- all our works should be compelled by love, overflow by love. That should be the fuel, by love. Others probably do good out of motives to get acceptance and approval by others, getting promotion or make ourselves feel good about it, or feel high. But what about us? Why do we continue want to strive giving the best, motivated by love, by what the Lord has done for us- because we had tasted that he is good. Are we tasting the goodness of God, or else how do we share the sweetness to the rest when we don't? So many Christians has been so comfortable, did not carry the light, or don't bother to share, because maybe we has long not tasted God, not enabling ourselves soak in His Word and Promises and in His love. If we don't be Ambassodors, who else? Who else can reach to the world? Oh God, such a standard- need His infilling- daily, let the cup be fulled and overflowing so that others will just see the goodness, the difference.
Pondering my life in working world, have I been faithful in His calling to be minister in working place? Have I been faithful, and taking the opportunity to love, to be Christlike? In the midst of the politics and the backbiting, where do I stand? Have I been different, standing in the gap to pray and to channel Hos love through me? O Lord, forgive me of my short-coming, that many times I shut my heart from those unlovable people, that I've compromise on the worldly standard and scheme and games played. Help me to stand out as light, Your Light, Your Armor, Your Ambassodors, to stand out- that people will see Christ in us. Amen!
Saturday, January 28, 2006
Held by His Hands
HELD BY HIS HANDS
You and I are on a great climb. The wall is high, and the stakes are higher.
You took your first step the day you confessed Christ as the Son of God. He gave you his harness—the Holy Spirit. In your hands he placed a rope—his Word.
Your first steps were confident and strong, but with the journey came weariness, and with the height came fear. You lost your footing. You lost your focus. You lost your grip, and you fell. For a moment, which seemed like forever, you tumbled wildly. Out of control. Out of self-control. Disoriented. Dislodged. Falling.
But then the rope tightened, and the tumble ceased. You hung in the harness and found it to be strong. You grasped the rope and found it to be true. You looked at your guide and found Jesus securing your soul. With a sheepish confession, you smiled at him and he smiled at you, and the journey resumed.
Now you are wiser. You have learned to go slowly. You are careful. You are cautious, but you are also confident. You trust the rope. You rely on the harness. And though you can’t see your guide, you know him. You know he is strong. You know he is able to keep you from falling.And you know you are only a few more steps from the top. So whatever you do, don’t quit. Though your falls are great, his strength is greater. You will make it. You will see the summit. You will stand at the top.
And when you get there, the first thing you’ll do is join with all the others who have made the climb and sing this verse:
“To him who is able to keep you from falling and to present you before his glorious presence without fault and with great joy—to the only God our Savior be glory, majesty, power and authority, through Jesus Christ our Lord, before all ages, now and forevermore! Amen” (Jude 24 NIV).
You and I are on a great climb. The wall is high, and the stakes are higher.
You took your first step the day you confessed Christ as the Son of God. He gave you his harness—the Holy Spirit. In your hands he placed a rope—his Word.
Your first steps were confident and strong, but with the journey came weariness, and with the height came fear. You lost your footing. You lost your focus. You lost your grip, and you fell. For a moment, which seemed like forever, you tumbled wildly. Out of control. Out of self-control. Disoriented. Dislodged. Falling.
But then the rope tightened, and the tumble ceased. You hung in the harness and found it to be strong. You grasped the rope and found it to be true. You looked at your guide and found Jesus securing your soul. With a sheepish confession, you smiled at him and he smiled at you, and the journey resumed.
Now you are wiser. You have learned to go slowly. You are careful. You are cautious, but you are also confident. You trust the rope. You rely on the harness. And though you can’t see your guide, you know him. You know he is strong. You know he is able to keep you from falling.And you know you are only a few more steps from the top. So whatever you do, don’t quit. Though your falls are great, his strength is greater. You will make it. You will see the summit. You will stand at the top.
And when you get there, the first thing you’ll do is join with all the others who have made the climb and sing this verse:
“To him who is able to keep you from falling and to present you before his glorious presence without fault and with great joy—to the only God our Savior be glory, majesty, power and authority, through Jesus Christ our Lord, before all ages, now and forevermore! Amen” (Jude 24 NIV).
Love - The Defination
Extracted from Celina's Blog- something to ponder through, what love can do....
When you think of your past love, you may view it as a failure.
but when you find a new love, you view the past as a teacher.
in the game of love, it doesnt really matter who won or who lost.
whats important is you know when to hold on & when to let go.
you know you really love someone when you want him or her to be happy,
even if their happiness means that youre not part of it.
Everything happens for the best.
if the person you love doesnt love you back,
dont be afraid to love someone else again,
for youll never know unless you give it a try.
youll never love the person you love unless you risk for love.
love strives in hurting.
if you dont get hurt, you dont learn how to love.
love doesnt hurt you all the time.
though hurting is still there to test you, to help you grow.
Dont find love, let love find you.
thats why its called falling in love because you dont force yourself to
fall. you just fall....
you cannot finish a book without closing its chapters.
if you want to go on, then you have to leave the past as you turn the pages.
Love is not destroyed by a single failure or won by a single caress.
it is a lifetime venture in which we are always learning, discovering & growing.
we lose someone we love only when we are destined to find someone else
who can love us even more than we can love ourselves.
on falling out of love, take sometime to heal & then get back on the horse.
but dont ever make the same mistake of riding the same one that threw you the first time.
To love is to risk rejections,
to live is to risk dying,
to hope is to risk failure.
but risk must be taken because the greatest hazard in life is risking nothing.
to reach for another is to risk involvement, to expose your feelings is to expose true self.
TO LOVE IS TO RISK NOT TO BE LOVED IN RETURN.
How to define LOVE:
Fall but do not stumble, be constant but not too persistent,
Share & never be unfair, understand & not to demand,
Hurt but never keep the pain.
Love is like a knife.
it can stab the heart or it carve wonderful images into the soul that always last for a lifetime.
love is supposed to be the most wonderful feeling.
it should inspire you & give you joy & strength.
but sometimes the things that give you joy can also hurt you in the end.
loving people means giving them the freedom who they choose to be & where they choose to be with.
for all the heartaches & the tears, for gloomy days & fruitless years,
you should give thanks, for you know, that there were the things that helped you grow.
Loving someone means giving him the freedom to find his way,
whether it leads towards you or away from you.
love is a painful risk to take but the risk must be taken no matter how scary or painful,
for only then youll experience the fullness of humanity & that is love.
Only love can hurt your heart, fill you with desire & tear you apart.
only love can make you cry & only love knows why.
When you decide to love, allow it to grow.
When you promise to love, refuse to let it die.
Friday, January 27, 2006
Heart of Flesh and Spirit
27th January 2006,
It's 1.46pm. Just now had branch with Marcus at OFA (Old Free-school Association). Had nice chat with him regarding family matter. It's CNY mood. People has been discussing on what's the planning for CNY and how much bonus they get from the consultants. Patient workload is alright, not so many patients. Myself had been slowing down- quite bored, don't know what to do. Wanna go back- later 4.30pm got to make a point to leave hospital sharp- if there's no issue. Or else will be expected jam.
For the past few nites have been going out, just don't wanna stay home. What a change. Waiting for sis to come back- then holidays- normal- Chinese New Year has always be quiet one. May it be a time of rest, to refreshed, to catch up with old friends, and family reunion. Talking about family- just now brother called. He want to borrow RM1000 from me. What should I be feeling? It's not the matter of money. He has not been contributing to family expenses and I did not say anything about it, and now he wanted to borrow from me, Chinese New Year- borrow from his sister. How should I be feeling? Well- think positive, not to sway to the other side. Maybe he needed help. Well, what can I do? Myself also has been very thrifty, with the expenses and car maintenance, mum's insurans payment, housing maintenance and tax. Talking about money- it's somehow a sensitive issue. I can break a family ties if not handle well. One thing I see, mum's heart was hurt- when brother don't really contribute to expenses. Who wants to calculate with him, never, we never talk about money. But brother does. Sad case.
What Marcus said quite true- probably I just do my part tht's all. Have done my duty and love to care and take care of mum. Marcus said- girls still alright, coz when they find someone, the hubby can contribute to the finance. But guys a bit difficult, coz their burden will be tight. True in one sense, wrong in another. That's why girl usually choose for more secure man, a man that they can trust, a man that's stable. Well planned and stable. That is more of worldly point of view. What about Christian's view? A Godly man, man of faith. yes, it's much desired. Once- yet now I'm not sure anymore. What's the criteria I placed for my future life partner? Thinking about it make me wonder am I really prepared for any relationship? Church saying- when you're completely passionate with God then the relationship will come. Don't chase after it, not rush. I'm not rushing. Yeah, discussion last night with Roland and Benji quite interesting. They had placed high value on Spiritual women, women faith, women after God's own heart. I used to think that if a man love God very much then will be alright, everything will able to fit in nicely. Now I actually re-think on the truth. It's just so subjective. Therefore I should placed it aside. Let me heart be singled- is it singled for Him? Have not come to that part- the matter now is for me to discover my position in Him again. The rest come secondary. Yet, it's much struggles, when you're alone, lonely..with the age catching up- women at such age sort of pressing red button. I can't say that I won't feel pressured, yet I can only wait and pray. Ps. Mei said one thing- to be vulnerable. To continue to feel and to love even though it's a risk and it's vulnerable. To be vulnerable,yet I asked God for wisdom- to be focused on His timing. The road seems unclear, yet I wanna trust Him, I have to trust Him- the Giver of all good things.
Prayer meet last week was good- Kasturi asked what's the prayer need? For myself I wanna pray for a heart of flesh and not a heart of stone (Ezekial 36- if I'm not mistaken) To put His Spirit in my heart- to have a heart of flesh and Spirit and not heart of stone. I need that transformation. That in my encounter woth others- in my relationship I will not placed and reason with my minds, or to expect or to label, yet to be myself- learning others strength and accepting others weakness. Help me Lord I prayed!
It's 1.46pm. Just now had branch with Marcus at OFA (Old Free-school Association). Had nice chat with him regarding family matter. It's CNY mood. People has been discussing on what's the planning for CNY and how much bonus they get from the consultants. Patient workload is alright, not so many patients. Myself had been slowing down- quite bored, don't know what to do. Wanna go back- later 4.30pm got to make a point to leave hospital sharp- if there's no issue. Or else will be expected jam.
For the past few nites have been going out, just don't wanna stay home. What a change. Waiting for sis to come back- then holidays- normal- Chinese New Year has always be quiet one. May it be a time of rest, to refreshed, to catch up with old friends, and family reunion. Talking about family- just now brother called. He want to borrow RM1000 from me. What should I be feeling? It's not the matter of money. He has not been contributing to family expenses and I did not say anything about it, and now he wanted to borrow from me, Chinese New Year- borrow from his sister. How should I be feeling? Well- think positive, not to sway to the other side. Maybe he needed help. Well, what can I do? Myself also has been very thrifty, with the expenses and car maintenance, mum's insurans payment, housing maintenance and tax. Talking about money- it's somehow a sensitive issue. I can break a family ties if not handle well. One thing I see, mum's heart was hurt- when brother don't really contribute to expenses. Who wants to calculate with him, never, we never talk about money. But brother does. Sad case.
What Marcus said quite true- probably I just do my part tht's all. Have done my duty and love to care and take care of mum. Marcus said- girls still alright, coz when they find someone, the hubby can contribute to the finance. But guys a bit difficult, coz their burden will be tight. True in one sense, wrong in another. That's why girl usually choose for more secure man, a man that they can trust, a man that's stable. Well planned and stable. That is more of worldly point of view. What about Christian's view? A Godly man, man of faith. yes, it's much desired. Once- yet now I'm not sure anymore. What's the criteria I placed for my future life partner? Thinking about it make me wonder am I really prepared for any relationship? Church saying- when you're completely passionate with God then the relationship will come. Don't chase after it, not rush. I'm not rushing. Yeah, discussion last night with Roland and Benji quite interesting. They had placed high value on Spiritual women, women faith, women after God's own heart. I used to think that if a man love God very much then will be alright, everything will able to fit in nicely. Now I actually re-think on the truth. It's just so subjective. Therefore I should placed it aside. Let me heart be singled- is it singled for Him? Have not come to that part- the matter now is for me to discover my position in Him again. The rest come secondary. Yet, it's much struggles, when you're alone, lonely..with the age catching up- women at such age sort of pressing red button. I can't say that I won't feel pressured, yet I can only wait and pray. Ps. Mei said one thing- to be vulnerable. To continue to feel and to love even though it's a risk and it's vulnerable. To be vulnerable,yet I asked God for wisdom- to be focused on His timing. The road seems unclear, yet I wanna trust Him, I have to trust Him- the Giver of all good things.
Prayer meet last week was good- Kasturi asked what's the prayer need? For myself I wanna pray for a heart of flesh and not a heart of stone (Ezekial 36- if I'm not mistaken) To put His Spirit in my heart- to have a heart of flesh and Spirit and not heart of stone. I need that transformation. That in my encounter woth others- in my relationship I will not placed and reason with my minds, or to expect or to label, yet to be myself- learning others strength and accepting others weakness. Help me Lord I prayed!
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